One of my dear friends often says, “I want to know all the things.” It makes me smile because I know she means it. When we’re talking, she cares enough to want to know all the things about my life.
Well, now the Lord has brought me to the point where I finally want to know “all the things” He has for DOLL Ministries. Because, if I’m honest, I haven’t truly wanted to know before. Part of me wanted to keep it small. Manageable. I didn’t want this seemingly small part of my life invading on other parts that I deemed more important. I didn’t want the risk of having DOLL Ministries – or myself, for that matter – judged, if I didn’t get it just right.
But, of course, God had other ideas…
In February of this year, I was certain I had finally figured out my “brand” as an author. I’d been researching, signing up for courses, reading books on the subject, and networking, all for the sake of building some sort of following in hopes that I might sell some books. Being pregnant, I knew my time would continue to be more and more limited, so I wanted to have my “author business” sorted by the time our baby was born. Then it would just mean I had to manage it and slowly get back into actual writing at a healthy pace. I thought I had it all figured out. And I assumed DOLL Ministries would just take a back burner while I figured out how to mother two children and reconnect with my writing. I had fully intended on taking a break from this ministry. And, let’s be honest, with a newborn, no one would have blamed me…
But, as I said, God had other ideas.
The first eight days of our daughter’s life were spent between special care and intensive care nurseries and during that time our prayer warriors gathered around us and lifted us up. It was overwhelming but at the same time we could feel those prayers and we could see the Lord’s mercies throughout those emotionally draining days. When we finally took our daughter home, I was surviving on two hours of sleep most nights and barely being able to catch up during the day with our full-of-life toddler. So, you can imagine my surprise when two weeks after giving birth – still in the haze of early motherhood 2.0 – I felt a small whisper in my spirit: “Don’t take a break from DOLL Ministries.”
It took me by surprise. How on earth could I encourage others when I myself felt so depleted?
“You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.”
I knew that verse well, but rarely did I have to rely on it so practically. I had planned on slowly growing my author following during these months of no writing. Instead, not only did the Lord give me the inspiration to write new fresh ideas despite my less-than-fresh mind, but He also gave me a renewed desire to invest in DOLL Ministries. He stirred up my heart to jump in and not look back. He also gave me a word – “Authenticity”. It would take authenticity to pursue the Lord’s vision for DOLL Ministries.
And that author newsletter contact list I had been sensibly growing because I knew I should have one? Well, that’s been officially put on hold so I can concentrate on a brand-new newsletter for DOLL Ministries. And to be honest, I’m happy about it. That’s the strangest part. If I’m truly honest, I want to dive into DOLL Ministries and see what the Lord has for it. I want to immerse myself in this calling, knowing that the Lord will guide me, and He will give me the resources I need.
It has taken almost five years to come to this point. Daughters of Love and Light has matured from a small writers’ group to a ministry that publishes Christian women’s literature and runs in-person events. Now, in this next season, the Lord is bringing something new once again. And I’m not sure of the details, but I’m here. I’m showing up. Because I want to see all the things He has for this ministry.
I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.PHILIPPIANS 4:13 (NIV)